My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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