there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
