i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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