Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
its liver damage thursday
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
