All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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