so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
