you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
