Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
