guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
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I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?