That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
3pm strippers are depressing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
