Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
even my farts smell like vagina
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
