The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
