OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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