I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
