this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
