Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
