I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
