birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
