we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
