from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
