Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
