Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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