I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
