i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize