remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
