I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
