no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
