when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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