Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your penis caused this!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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