Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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