You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
