we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
