Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
