I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
