Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
