Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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