I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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