yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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