I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
