Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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