I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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