Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
