I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i think i have herpe
just one?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
