im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
