you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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