sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
