im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I die, sorry about rent.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
