I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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