thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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