she takes plan B like it's going out of style
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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