I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
