capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
