I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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