He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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