dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
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Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
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That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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