I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
