I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
