Where did you get a picture of my penis
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
