You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
